Dear Glenn,

If the lights and radio all work, the battery is not the reason why the car won’t start. I don’t care what the mechanic told you based on the noises you made for him. Did you mention the other noise the car makes just before it stalls? And that it usually stalls until the engine is about halfway to it normal running temperature. Did you remind him that we’ve been randomly having problems with stalling for the last 6 months?

Oh, and after Mal’s is done hosing you to tow the car to their gararge (which is where it will be taken because if you wanted it taken to our mechanic, you should’ve used THEIR towing company) please be sure to tell them that you now think the problem is due to moisture in the carburator. Be prepared to pay a very large bill, because I’m sure it will take them a nice long time to find the carburator on a 2000 Ford Taurus. And just to make you a happy repeat customer, they’ll probably find a few other things to fix while they’re at it.

Much love but little money,

Babs

Dear Jarret,

I understand that you are sick with whatever bug is currently going around and may not be completely in your right mind, but neither Amber nor Ribbon were de-venomized before we adopted them. I know they have fangs like snakes, but that is because they are meat-eaters and need their fangs to tear apart their prey. Having said that, I’d be highly surprised either of them to try and kill you in your sleep, and haul you off as snack between bowls of Friskies Buffet. Could we please end this discussion? Mom hurts from trying not to laugh.

Also, whining about your need for Gatorade every five minutes will not convince me to leave you home alone for 45 minutes while I hoof it up to Stop & Shop to buy you some. You will just have to wait until your brother returns from school to watch you. In the meantime, go to sleep!

Hugs and kisses,

Mom