The next time the mail carrier drops off a shipment of Priority Mail boxes, and I’m at the bottom of the steps, holding the door open for you, please pick the boxes up and carry them down the steps. If they are too heavy, speak up and I will come up and help you carry them down.

Under absolutely, positively no circumstances are you to roll them down the steps!

*props up right foot with two pretty purple (and fractured) toes*

Love, Mom

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.